3 Simple Dementia Tips

If you can understand and implement just these 3 basic tips, you will be well equipped for dealing with dementia.

#1 - Do Not Argue With Them

There is a common phrase that you might have heard before: “Never argue with a person with dementia.” It is true. Not only does this not accomplish anything, but it usually just upsets and confuses the person with dementia even further. Do not argue with them.

Bad Example:

Mother with dementia: “You didn’t water my flowers today.”

Daughter: “Yes, I did, Mom. I watered it this morning.”

Mother with dementia: “No, you did not. I told you to water it.”

Daughter: “I already watered it, Mom.”

Mother with dementia: “You never listen to me!” (getting upset)

Daughter: “Yes, I do, Mom. I already watered it.” (also getting upset)

[Result: Mother is upset and feels disrespected. Daughter is frustrated and upset.]

Good Example:

Mother with dementia: “You didn’t water my flowers today.”

Daughter: “Yes, I did, Mom. I watered it this morning.”

Mother with dementia: “No, you did not. I told you to water it.”

Daughter: “Ok. I’ll go water it right now.” (walks over and pretends to water again)

[Result: Peace restored. Situation resolved.]

#2 - Validate Their Feelings

A person with dementia’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs are all real to them and there is no changing that. If you refute those and try to correct them, they will become aggrivated and in fight mode. However, if you can validate them instead, it can calm them down and enable peace to be restored again.

Bad Example:

Father with dementia: “Someone has been stealing my silver coins from me.”

Daughter: “No, Dad. No one is stealing your coins. They are still in your drawer.”

Father with dementia: “They’re all gone. Someone is stealing from me!”

Daughter: “Dad, that’s not true. No one has stolen anything from you.”

Father with dementia: “Well, someone is! Maybe it’s you!?” (getting upset)

Daughter: “Dad, I didn’t steal your d@$% coins already!” (also getting upset)

[Result: Father is upset and now suspects his daughter. Daughter is very upset about being accused.]

Good Example:

Father with dementia: “Someone has been stealing my silver coins from me.”

Daughter: “Oh, that would be terrible. Would you like me to go check if they’re still there or not?”

Father with dementia: “Yes. Please go check.”

Daughter: “Good news Dad! They are all still there.”

Father with dementia: “Well, maybe they stole something else then.” (calming down a bit)

Daughter: “Dad, the Cowboys game is about to come on. Do you still like them?” (daughter starts to redirect (tip #3 below)

Father with dementia: “Yes, I do. Turn the game on, would ya?”

[Result: Father began to calm down, then after the redirect he forgot about the coins.]

#3 - Redirect, Redirect, Redirect

A very powerful tool for dealing with dementia that can be applied to most situations is redirecting. It works with toddlers and it also works with folks with dementia. Use it often and build your arsenal of creative redirects over time.

Bad Example:

Mother with dementia: “I want to go home. I don’t like this place.”

Daughter: “Mom, you are home. This is your home.”

Mother with dementia: “No, it’s not. I don’t know where I am, and I don’t like this place. I want to go home.”

Daughter: “You have lived in this house for 8 years, Mom. This is your home.”

Mother with dementia: “I live in Seattle. Take me home!” (getting upset)

Daughter: “You haven’t lived in Seattle for 40 years. You live in Waco now.” (getting frustrated)

[Result: Mother is getting more anxious and confused. Daughter is getting more and more frustrated without knowing what to do.]

Good Example:

Mother with dementia: “I want to go home. I don’t like this place.”

Daughter: “I know what you mean. I like my home, too. Did you know there’s a new tea store on Hewitt Drive now?”

Mother with dementia: “No, I didn’t. What is it called?”

Daughter: “It’s called HTea0.”

Mother with dementia: “I’ve never heard of it. Is it any good?”

Daughter: “Oh yea. They have all kinds of tea. They have a blueberry tea that you would love.”

Mother with dementia: “Oh, wow. That sounds wonderful.”

[Result: Mother’s anxiety and worry turned into peace and excitement. Daughter’s usual frustration turned into a smile.]

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Implement these 3 tips and become a dementia caregiving expert! As always, with any other questions, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here for you.